I recently spoke to an audience in Atlanta and afterward had the opportunity to meet a fellow speaker by the name of Scott Mastley.  Scott lives in the Atlanta area and is an accredited former human resources professional and founder of Mastley Performance Group, Inc., an organization that provides HR and safety solutions, consulting and training (http://www.mastleyperformancegroup.com).   

During our conversations, I learned that Scott is currently researching and writing a book on the topic of confidence and the role confidence plays in our life and work. I learned that as part of the book’s research, Scott is interviewing a variety of individuals around the country to get their unique perspective on the subject. I was flattered to be asked to be one of those interview subjects. The following are excerpts from some of the confidence related areas we discussed.

Scott Mastley:  How does a person’s confidence level affect the way you think of him/her?

Phillip Van Hooser:  Most of us don’t have the time or inclination to follow people around just to learn more about the kind of person they are.  Be it good or bad, we accept the people we meet based on what they tell us about themselves—intentionally or unintentionally.  And most of what people tell us about themselves comes by way of the words they speak, the actions they take and the behaviors they embrace. Personally, I find myself being drawn to people who speak confidently, act confidently and behave confidently.  Honestly, they are more interesting to me than those who apparently lack the quality of self confidence.  I think they are more interesting to me because I feel as if I can learn something from them. 

SM:  What have been the biggest confidence builders in your life?

PVH:  I have been very fortunate to be surrounded by some wonderful encouragers during various formative periods in my life.  My mother was an encourager to me in the early stages of my life.  I never remember her being a “naysayer.”  She continuously encouraged me to not be afraid to try something out of the ordinary if that’s where my passion led me.  At other stages in life I have been encouraged by teachers, coaches, bosses, clients and certainly my wife.  With that said, I still believe the only way to truly build personal confidence is by living, breathing and experiencing success.  Trial and error won’t do it.  Practice won’t do it.  Even encouragement alone won’t do it.  However, let someone get a taste of success in any field and involving almost any endeavor and you will start to see their confidence grow.  String enough successes together over a period of time and I believe you have the makings for living a confidence rich life.

SM:  What has confidence enabled you to do?

PVH:  Confidence has served as a key catalyst for many important undertakings in my life.  For example, as a result of confidence, I have picked up and moved to new locations around the country on several occasions with absolute confidence I could excel personally and professionally in that new locale.  Confidence enabled me to ask my wife to marry me.  Believe me, my looks, pedigree or bank account didn’t win her over.  But she has admitted that my confidence gave her confidence that we could make a life together.  I have started a business, written and published three books, taken on key leadership positions, along with countless other activities with nothing more than confidence and the willingness to work hard to fuel me until success was realized.  For most of my life, my confidence level has been my secret weapon in attacking life and its challenges.

SM:  What’s the danger of being overconfident?  Has it ever happened to you?

PVH:  Overconfidence can lead first to cockiness and eventually to arrogance.  And as much as I wish I could answer differently, both have happened to me in my life.  If you are not mature enough to handle the successes that come your way, it’s easy to be tempted into believing that you are a whole lot smarter, more talented and more special than you actually are.  At times like those, you begin to believe that the world owes you something and you start expecting some sort of special treatment.  Those are terrible habits to develop.  However, I think the worst part of overconfidence is not recognizing that our overconfidence drives people away from us, causing personal and/or professional separation.  As leaders, we get things done through other people with positive influence and impact.  If we are driving people away, our opportunities to lead effectively are leaving with them. If there was one silver lining to my cloud of overconfidence, it is that it happened very early in my career.  I took my lumps, learned from them and changed my behavior accordingly.  Now I encourage others not to make the same mistakes I did.

SM:  If you were teaching people how to gain more self confidence, what would you tell them?

PVH:  To develop self confidence I would suggest a simple but effective exercise. Sit down with pen and paper and think about all the successes you have experienced in life, and I do literally mean ALL of them, or at least all you can remember. Start as a child and list your successes.  None is too large or too small.  Then keep going right into your high school and college years.  Keep doing it as you think about your life as a spouse, parent, employee and so on right up to whatever life stage you find yourself in right now.  If you have been diligent with the exercise, you will have dozens of successes listed on the paper and your confidence
will probably already be growing.  The second step in the process is to find the commonalities in those successes.  Find the things for which you still have a unique aptitude, an insatiable appetite, an unquenched passion, a never ending desire.  I think you will find those things still exist, though they may be temporarily hidden from sight.  Expose them and I think you will find that the confidence will return.
 

Concluding Thoughts

For practicing and aspiring leaders alike, confidence is critical.  Why would someone choose to follow you if they did not sense you possess the confidence to lead them where they need to go?  I suggest you do a personal confidence check for yourself.  If you think you need a little help, contact me (phil@vanhooser.com).  I am currently doing leadership coaching (by telephone) with executive leaders. With a couple slots open, I would enjoy helping you build the confidence that will lead to your on-going success.