In Conflict, Is Your Focus Wrong?

In Conflict, Is Your Focus Wrong? image DATE: October 19, 2021

Do you hate the idea of handling conflict and confrontation with those you work with? Most of us do, and most of us are unprepared for managing it because most of us are focused on the wrong thing. Let me explain.

When Things Go Sideways Fast

One of the things I truly cherish as a mom right now is the time I get in the car with my kids on the way to school and daycare. Yes, it would be easier and faster to put the two big kids on the bus, but the hassle of doing it myself is well worth the reward of face-to-face intentional conversation with them before I release them into the wild to start their day.

We listen to music, we sing and dance, we pray, we talk with one another. It’s amazing. Well, until it’s not. Like today. LOL

I needed a break after the car ride before I walked into work this morning. If you’re a parent, have you been there before or is it just me?

My big kids started arguing in the car as we sat in the drop-off line. They were going at it hard so I had to use my “mom voice” to get their attention. #IYKYK

I had to step in.

And before you can even let the thought of “helicopter mom” enter your mind, I’m all about letting my kids fight their own battles.

What Are You Focused On?

However, our team (Van Hooser, party of 6), was torn up from the floor up and making no progress towards a solution because they were focused on the wrong thing.

It was time for some reframing…

I showed them that the problem was not each other, but that the problem was a misunderstanding. They had different experiences and expectations for what was happening at the moment.

(Check out our step-by-step process for successfully managing conflict and confrontation.)

Reframe the Conversation & Step Up

Reframing the conversation to focus on the problem — not the person — changed the whole vibe in the car. They became patient while the other person spoke, choosing kind words. Both of them figured it out quickly…and thankfully, they both went into school with happy hearts.

Just like my kids in the car, sometimes drama at work happens when we’re too focused on the person and not the actual problem. And when that is happening, the situation can become volatile quickly and the damage done is long-lasting.

Maybe today is the day you step up as a leader to reframe the conversation so you or people on your team can all figure it out and move forward quickly with happy hearts, too.

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Navigating Conflict, A Deeper Dive

In our latest episode of “The Man & The Millennial,” you’ll get some really helpful ideas for working through conflict and confrontation…the right way. Listen in for a deeper dive into diffusing difficult situations.

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#conflict #confrontation #essentialskills #communicatebetter #leadershipdevelopment #teamdevelopment #teambuilding #professionaldevelopment #workingmom

About The Author:

Alyson Van Hooser, Leadership Keynote Speaker, Trainer on Millennials, Gen Z & Women in Business With the grit that only comes from tough experiences, Alyson has learned a thing or two about personal and professional success. From her management experience with Walmart, as an elected city council member, bank manager — all before the age of 30 — Alyson has wisdom well beyond her years! Her podcast, Stake: The Leadership Podcast, offers a fresh perspective on leadership and helps multiple generations successfully work together! Connect with Alyson on LinkedIn and Instagram.

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